A Look Into Ron's Homework Planner
by Pretty Padfoot
Summary: Ron is taking advantage of the homework planner that he received for Christmas from Hermione though he uses it as a diary instead. Severe randomness follows read at your own risk. Rated as a caution and probably for language.
1. Raging Hippogriffs and Rock,Paper, Sciss

A Look into Ron's Homework Planner

Chapter 1: Raging Hippogriffs and Rock, Paper, Scissors

A/N: this is Ron writing in the homework planner that Hermione gave him for Christmas. Used more like a diary. Will also include dialogue. Please review.

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**December 26th 3:25 pm**

Have decided to use this stupid homework planner thing. Harry says I should have just chucked it into the fire like he did, but since I like Hermione, I mean…

Hermione's right, I should take more notes in class. I've forgotten everything fake Moody taught us: he said (I think), that you should never put things you don't want people to see in writing.

NOTE TO SELF: don't put that I like Hermione in writing… oh… shit... this just isn't going to work.

Well, I suppose since I just copy off Hermione anyway, I really don't need to know what the homework is… oh, well

Hermione is looking over here smiling. I think it's because I'm writing in this stupid talking planner thing. She looks smug. I hate when she looks smug. Harry has noticed that Hermione was looking at me smugly and has starting looking over here as well…

"Ron," Harry has just asked me. "Why are you writing in a diary?"

I have told him to take my diary and shove it up his arse… wait… "I mean, it's not a diary."

Harry has rolled his eyes and walked away. I hate it when people roll their eyes. I mean, what's so special about people rolling their eyes, why is it an insulty thing. Hermione has just mentioned that this isn't supposed to be used as a diary. Have rolled my eyes.

**December 26th 3:30 pm**

Can now see why people roll their eyes. It is so much fun! You can roll to left, you can roll to the right, you can roll to the back… or, my personal favorite, you can roll to both left and right.

**December 26th 3:31 pm**

Hermione is looking at me very strangely.

**December 26th 3:32 pm**

Kreacher has just entered the room. He mumbled something about a raging hippogriff. I think it's just his usual mumbling rubbish.

**December 26th 3:31 pm**

Nope; I was wrong. He wasn't just mumbling rubbish, because Buckbeak came raging in just a moment ago, apparently chasing Kreacher. It was possibly one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. Except for maybe when Malfoy was turned into a ferret. Ahh. I really liked Malfoy as a ferret. Much better looking.

But anyway, Buckbeak came running in and Kreacher screamed and ran off through a back door in the room, Buckbeak following him at top speed. Of course, me and Harry started laughing our arses off. Hermione went into this rant about spew, excuse me, S.P.E.W. Luckily she was cut off by Sirius ramming through the door asking, "Did Buckbeak just come through here?" Then he went running off after the both of them through the back door as well.

**December 26th 3:45 pm**

Hermione tried to continue her rant about house-elves, but Harry saved us by saying, "You know, I forgot, I have to go…" Harry never finished the sentence because he ran out the door so fast. I said, "He needs my help doing… that," and ran off. Am now currently hiding from Hermione with Harry in an unoccupied broom cupboard that we found upstairs. We are playing rock, paper, scissors to occupy ourselves.

**December 26th 4:04 pm**

Have realized that I suck at rock, paper, scissors. I have lost 34 times in a row. Honestly, is that even humanly possible? I don't know if it is, but it is quite embarrassing. Harry is gloating. He thinks he is special because he wins at rock, paper, scissors… and that he can defeat evil in any form…

**December 26th 4:10**

Moody has poked his head in and asked us what we are doing in the cupboard. He is smiling. I think he knows that I am a failure and cannot win rock, paper, scissors to save my life.

**December 26th 4: 12**

Know for a fact that Moody knows I'm rubbish at rock, paper, scissors because he has said, "You're awful at rock, paper, scissors." I don't think I will be able to look him in the eye for quite a while.

**December 26th 4:15**

Am now too depressed at my lack of skills to write, so that is it for today.

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A/N: This is a very, very random fic that I thought of a while back. I had it here before but I never updated, so I am going to try over. So there you go, leave a review! Give me ideas as well. 


	2. Wizard's Chess and the Knight's Bus

A Look into Ron's Homework Planner

Chapter 2: Wizard's Chess and the Knight Bus

**A/N: I can't believe that people actually liked this story. But some people did and I got _wonderful_ reviews so I guess I'll continue. Here ya go.'**

**December 30th 5:49 pm**

Have decided not to write in this useless thing unless I find some way to shut it up. It says some nauseating phrase every frickin time I flip a page.

**December 30th 5:52 pm**

Have reopened planner and it has said, "Do it today or later you'll pay!" Am now considering suicide... or homicide: but the question is, how do you kill a book?

**December 30th 6:02 pm**

Have asked Fred and George to magic this to shut up because a) they are of age and can do magic without getting expelled and b) I'm too lazy anyway.

**December 30th 6:25 pm**

Have spent last 20 minutes watching Fred and George try to shut this damn thing up without success. They have shot every spell at this and nothing has changed. Am getting very frustrated.

**December 30th 6:45 pm**

Thank God! I finally got it to stop! You know what worked! Nope not magic; it was the muggle way: the old fashion cursing and hitting it. Woo-hoo! I'm a genius!

**December 30th 6:50 pm**

Apparently Hermione saw me cursing at and hitting a book and she is a little afraid. She ran and got Harry to see if I was ok, because she was afraid that I might attack if she approached me herself.

**December 31st 5:45 pm**

Me and Harry are playing chess. It's funny… I'm so much better than him. My pawn is totally killing his castle. That's sad.

**December 31st 5:46 pm**

Mum is walking in… she just told Harry that Snape wants to talk to him. Harry's eyes just went all bug-eyed.

**December 31st 5:48 pm**

Ahh! That stupid Crookshanks just jumped all over our board and ruined our game. Now I'm going to have to beat Harry all over again. Technically, I haven't beaten him yet, but we all know I was going to. I mean come on…

**December 31st 5:57**

Hermione took Harry's place while Harry was talking to Snape (that poor soul), and it took me3 minutes and25 seconds. That's a record even for me. Hermione sucks… Ha ha ha.

**December 31st 6:03**

DAD'S HOME! YAY! DON'T HAVE TO UNEXPECTEDLY RUN INTO DELIRIOUS LOCKHART AT MUNGO'S ANYMORE! YAY!

Do you see my happiness? I mean I was really worried about my dad, but it was really awful going to visit him in the hospital. Awful… we ran into Neville and Lockhart. It was awful. I realized why Neville lived with his gran (which is possibly one of the saddest things I've ever heard) and I realized that Lockhart may be possibly worse without his memory - who'd of thought _that_ was possible?

Oh by the way, Sirius almost strangled Snape. Too bad Harry had the urge to stop him. It would have been amusing… watching Snape turn purple. Almost as amusing as that one time that Malfoy was turned into a ferret… Ahh…

Poor Harry: he has to spend extra time with Snape. And get this: Snape is going to be spending all that time delving into Harry's mind. _And _Dumbledore _told _him to do it. Things are getting kind of strange around here.

**December 31st 6:05**

Wait... what am I talking about! "Getting strange"? Things are _always_ strange around here!

**January 1st 7:17 am**

Yay! We get to ride the Knight Bus! I've always wanted to go on this thing!

**January 1st 7:30 am**

Am gonna vomit… I've changed my mind: I NEVER want to ride on _that_ bus again! … ahh… my head…

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A/N: There's chapter two… sry it's s0 short, but I think it be kind of boring if it was too long. Give me a shout out. Tell me what you think and drop a review! Yay! 


	3. Dates and Exorcists

A Look into Ron's Homework Planner

Chapter 3: Dates and Exorcists

A/N: Thanks again guys for all the wonderful reviews! They are just so lovely! rolls eyes at mention of anything being "lovely" Nonetheless, you guys ROCK! I mean this is only the third chapter, but anyway, here's some random stuff that I came up with.

**January 2nd noon**

You know, I've always envied Harry… because he's… popular and famous and rich and… but anyway the thing is; now I don't!

Harry has to see Snape after hours so that Snape can hack into his brain and his own personal memories to save Harry from the prying mind of You-Know-Who. And to top it off, his cover story is that he's getting remedial potions (which he actually probably could use). So he's either doomed and crazy, or stupid. Kind of a lose/lose situation really. Poor blighter.

**January 2nd 12:10 pm**

You know, the Zacharias Smith kid is REALLY getting on my nerves. I'll tell you what happened.

He walked up to us (me and Harry that is) and asked when the next D.A. meeting was going to be. Of course Harry can't have one tonight 'cause he has Occlumency with Snape, but he has to tell Zacharias that he has remedial potions (like we discussed before). So Smith goes, "You take remedial potions? Good Lord, you must be terrible!" I know I kind of said that awhile ago, but I'm his best friend, I'm entitled to, not Smith. I was about to send a few hexes at him that he wasn't likely to forget too soon, but good ol' Harry stopped me.

**January 2nd 12:12 pm**

Cho has just walked up to Harry and Hermione has steered me away, as if I would do something to mess Harry up. It's not like Harry is so good on his own anyway… besides, I'll have you know, I am very good with women. Just because I haven't ever had a girlfriend… ever… means nothing! I have lots of charm. I bet I could get a date for the next Hogsmeade trip before Harry could… you know that's a good idea! I'm gonna go try to get a date, starting right now.

**January 2nd 2:12 pm**

I am currently standing outside the entrance to the Great Hall, cutting class I might add, to look for a possible date... Aha! Here comes a good looking bird! I'll be back in a moment with the good news! Hehehe.

**January 2nd 2:15 pm**

Well, she wasn't the one for me. That's it - that's all there was to it. I'll just look for someone better.

**January 2nd 2:27 pm**

Oh, here comes another girl I must try and ask out!

**January 2nd 2:30 pm**

Oh gross! Who knew a zit could get that big! When I saw it, I mean the girl, properly, I had to pretend like I was heading in the direction of the bathroom, instead of going to ask her out. Gross!

**January 2nd 7:30 pm**

I haven't found anyone! It's awful! Either they're ugly or they just don't want to go with me! It's horrible; how does Harry do it! I just don't understand women! Why do they have to be so complicated! You know, men don't beat around the bush. If they want something, they'll tell you, you don't have to go around guessing. I give up on women… they are bloody impossible!

**January 2nd 7:45 pm**

Another bloody example about women: Hermione won't let me copy off her Umbridge homework! I mean why not! She's making me go to the library, of all places, and study to get it done. Women are impossible! Impossible I tell you!

**January 2nd 7:48 pm**

Harry's walked in all pale and tired looking. Apparently Snape was his usual cheerful self during the Occlumency lessons. And by cheerful I mean evil and bat-like. Anyway, Harry has something important to tell us and told me to stop writing and listen so he can tell me.

**January 2nd 7:57 pm**

We've had a breakthrough! Harry found out that the weapon that everyone's talking about is in the Department of Mysteries! That's where Sturgis Podmore was when he got caught and that's why they sent him to Azkaban! Well, anyway we're gonna head back to the common room, so that Harry can try to get rid of his Occlumency- stupid-Snape- headache.

**January 2nd 8:12 pm**

Yay! Not all women are impossible! I just asked some random Ravenclaw (she was rather pretty and it turns out that her name is Ashlyn) to go with me on the next Hogsmeade trip, when I was walking back from the library and she said YES! Yay! Ha – beat that Harry!

**January 2nd 8:14 pm**

Was talking about Ashlyn to Harry and it turns out that he already has a date! I can't beat him at anything! Urgh!

**January 2nd 8:16**

Angelina Johnson heard us talking about the Hogsmeade trip and it turns out that I CAN'T EVEN GO! I have quidditch practice all day on Valentine's Day! I can't even bloody go! I give up! Life sucks…

**January 2nd 9:20 pm**

Have just walked into boys' dormitory and Harry is laughing in the evil mwa-ha-mwa-ha-ha sort of way. I think he's possessed. He's just laughed at me all maniacal again. I think I'm going to need a priest or an exorcist or some holy water or a rosary or something…

**January 2nd 9:22 pm**

No, never mind. Cancel the exorcist. I just smacked him and he stopped and came around; simple enough (- you know I'm starting to think that muggles don't need magic; they just hit stuff and it does the job). Apparently,Harry _was_ kind of possessed. He had one of those You-Know-Who visions again. He seriously could beat out Trelawney… it's kind of creepy. Probably not gonna sleep too well tonight now… oh, well, that's what you get when you befriend someone who is mentally linked to a Dark Lord with aspirations of world domination...I have a feeling that people don't befriend other people who are mentally linked to a Dark Lord with aspirations of world domination very often...maybe that's just me.

A/N: Please keep up the reviews.


	4. Death Eaters and Threats

A Look into Ron's Homework Planner

Chapter 4: Death Eaters and Threats

January 3rd 8:20 am

Oh bloody hell! Bollocks… possibly the worst thing possibly has just happened, and no it isn't that the Chudley Cannons retired. According to the Daily Prophet 10 death eaters just escaped from Azkaban…I think it is very obvious that this situation SUCKS! That's what Hermione just told me.

Give me a minute I want to read some of this article:

MASS BREAKOUT FROM AZKABAN MINISTRY FEARS BLACK IS 'RALLYING POINT' FOR OLD DEATH EATERS

"Black?" Harry has just said loudly. "Not -?"

I hate Fudge! He is such a moron – he blames this whole thing on Sirius when Sirius has never done anything at all, whatsoever, wrong. Poor Sirius – it's gotta suck to have everyone in the nation think you're a crazy murderer/ Death Eater/ Traitor/ criminal. That bloody bastard Fudge is going down! You know what, I'm going to the ministry and am gonna beat the crap out of him the muggle way right now.

"Ron, sit down!"

Damn Hermione. She's too nice for her own good. But that's why I like her.

January 3rd 8:25 am

"There you are, Harry," I've said. "That's why he was happy last night…"

"I don't believe this." Harry looks pretty pissed. "Fudge is blaming the breakout on Sirius!"

"What other options does he have?" Actually, Hermione looks pissed too. "He can hardly say, 'Sorry everyone, Dumbledore warned me this might happen, the Azkaban guards have joined Lord Voldemort' – stop whimpering Ron…"

I was NOT whimpering. There was something stuck in my throat…

"And now Voldemort's worst supporters have broken out too.' I mean, he's spent a good six months telling everyone you and Dumbledore are liars hasn't he?"

Hermione's so logical.

Ah, well, now we know why Harry had that vision last night. You know what – ewww! Have just looked up at the staff table and Umbridge has porridge in her mustache. That's right – I said mustache. Eww, she is sooo disgusting. She probably swings from the other side of the door…. And by the other side, I mean Fudge. Fudge and Umbridge – they would have the ugliest kids, seriously. EWW! Bad images…Umbridge and Fudge doing the bad thing…. Oh gross. Eww oh that's gross. Think of something positive ….. Hermione…. Ahhh…..me and Hermione doing the bad thing…. Whoa ok, gonna stop now before the little Weasley says hello.

January 3rd 8:30 am

Ha ha ha. Some bugger bought a Devil's Snare and gave it to that guy at Mungo's – what's his name: Broderick. "They must be a real prat, why didn't they check what they were buying?"

"Oh come on Ron!" Hermione has just said to me. "I don't think anyone could put Devil's Snare in a pot and not realize it tries to kill whoever touches it? This – this was murder….A clever murder, as well… If the plant was sent anonymously, how's anyone ever going to find out who did it?"

God Hermione's hot, especially when she's all worked up. She kinda reminds me of that muggle detective bloke Sherflock. Have just told her so.

"Sherflock?" Hermione's said. "You mean Sherlock?"

"Uh…sure. Besides, what's a friendly 'f' among friends, eh?"

"What?"

"Um…nothing…"

Harry has snickered. Just to let you know, I'm cursing him in my mind.

January 3rd 8:34 am

"I met Bode," Harry said. "I saw him at the Ministry with your dad…."

OH! "I've heard dad talk about him at home! He was an Unspeakable – he worked in the Department of Mysteries!"

Hermione just folded up her newspaper and jumped to her feet.

"Where are you going?"

"To send a letter. It…well, I don't know whether…but it's worth trying…and I'm the only one who can…"

ARG! "I hate it when she does that. Would it kill her to tell us what she's up to for once! It'd take her about 10 seconds more – hey, Hagrid!"

Hagrid just walked in. He's all bruised up still…actually, it looks like he's got more cuts than he did before. Something smells fishy about this…and it's not just Hagrid's coat.

January 3rd 8:37 am

Bollocks, Hagrid's on probation! I HATE that Umbridge woman! I hate her! Seriously, she makes all our lives hell! That I can deal with – but Hagrid? That's just too far.

I will get her back…if it's the last thing I ever do.

Well, really…if I'm honest with myself here, I don't want the last thing I ever do to involve Umbridge, because that would…suck. I'd rather the last thing I ever do involve my friends or family, so I could die happily, ya know. Or it could involve Hermione…

A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys. I don't deserve them - I'm such a terrible writer with the whole "finishing the story" aspect. Anyway, I know this is short but so are the otherchapters. I should have another one out soon.


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